~Blades will bleed, Shields will shatter~

Hm...

2009-03-29T01:42:56Z

Sometimes I just... wish it would go back to how it used to be. It hasn't been that long ago, but sometimes it feels like it's been ages and ages ago, and I miss it. I really really miss it, and the more I think about it, the sadder it makes me. I don't like growing apart from people I care about... it really really hurts, but most of the time I have to just stop being a selfish crybaby, and suck it. up, because there's absolutely nothing I can do... they'll just continue on with their own business, and I stay behind going "Whu-? What did I do wrong??" because somehow I make it my fault and look at every little thing I might've done 'wrong' and might've made everyone drift away. I don't know why I look this deep into stuff, but everything 'off' I immediately take it the wrong way, and blame myself...

Also, i realized I'm a kind ofattention whore, but not in the sense of wanting people to tell me "OMG FERI YOUR'E THE BEST OMG" or stuff like that, that kind of things actually make me blush, any kind of compliment makes me all shy and shit, but attention whore as in... I like it when...someone thanks me for something... Like, a simple "thank you for this..." it's like one of the best things you could say to me... I think it's because it means I did something right... I think... just a thank you, from the right person, makes me feel at peace... it's sad... and pathetic.

But sometimes people don't say it, and doesn't mean they're not grateful, they just don't... show it... as simple as that... and even with this realization I keep taking everything the wrong way, feeling a nuisance, uneeded, and just impeding progress... like my help is useless and it would mean the same wether I helped or not. I've asked myself it it's worth it lately... *shrug* I know it is, but part of me just insists it's not. Sometimes I think I jsut try too hard to help and it becomes pointless...

I feel everyone has just drifted apart... like they're leaving me behind, because i'm not strong or insistent enough to keep up... but sometimes I can't insist because I fear of becoming a bother, a nuisance, a thorn in the side... and sometimes it's just difficult to communicate... how can you when the other ones just.. don't answer anymore? They just stop? You can say hi and how are you many many times, but they won't answer.... it hurts, it really makes you question if there was something that you said or did... It doesn't help that every night for the past few weeks you dream with them but you dream about them leaving, and you not being able to stop them... they just leave and you call out and the wont' listen.

It still hurts... I really miss it... I wish it would come back... but I'm not sure if it will, so much has happened... I don't know anymore... I really don't. Some people just have different ways of getting along with others, and they sweep the rug right outta my feet too fast for me to stand up in time and realize what has happened...

But it really really aches when there's people you just dont want to drift apart from because you find them important and special, but you're most likely not important enough for them, just another acquaintance down the road, someone they can easily forget after awhile, no one important in their life, never leaving a mark... nothing. You're just not a part of their life... that's all :)

It still hurts... I wish I could turn back time and just keep all the bad things from happening... I miss the happy, the randomness, the carefree days...

If this is the way it's 'supposed' to be, I refuse to accept it... but it'll take a while to swallow.

Ugh, I hate missing people... I really hate missing... anyone...

I wish I didn't miss you, but I can't avoid it, and it hurts...

Ugh, this sucks. I wish I could say "Fuck it all" but really mean it... I'm such a wuss...

ferilink @ 2009-02-02T14:36:00

2009-02-02T20:38:45Z

I suck... so damn much.

I think I just lost the only person who supported me with my 'dream'.

Way to go, Feri.

I'm so sick of failing everyone... but I can't even stop failing to myself...

Project underway.

2008-09-25T01:04:58Z

Fweeeeeee! Pretty excited x3! The comic project I' been thinking for a while is finally underway (somewhat) but as to not clog this LJ, i posting anything related to that comic in my other LJ http://volpenerastudio.livejournal.com . Sketches, story, whatever, it'll go there. I'll try to update often.

BACKSTORY TIME PLZ.

For a while now I've been wanting to make a comic, never knew of what, but I wanted to try it. For the longest time I searched for some plot or stuff and i had a few ideas here and there but i would get excited but then deem the idea stupid and give up on it. Well I finally decided on a story I've been mulling on my head for a while... little problem? It involved real people.

Being very selfconscious I was always worrying over what others would think about a comic involving real people especially with such a wtf story, after a while of mulling it over, I told a few select close friends about the idea and actually they liked it and convinced me to go on with the idea.

Therein came the next step: Ask the people involved in the comic if they'd mind.

I asked two friends from school if they- never mind, i didn't even get to ask them, i barely said a word and they were YAY with it. So I asked some other friends from the local cosplay community if they'd mind, and they didn't at all, so 7 down 4 more to go xD I still had to ask Koisnake, Roleplaywulf, ZippyC, and Pikminlink ( which I was kind of vehemently avoiding to do out of sheer embarrasment). So for a while i didn't do anything, not to mention there was something amiss and I was not convinced with the pace of the story, then I stumbled upon Ryuchama's dA, chatted with him a few times on his dA and something clicked... so I thought "What if I added Sai into the mix c:? He's a great cosplayer, a super charismatic guy, and PL wouldn't be alone in the comic (should she be okay with it)." and lo and behold it helped and the story kind of took a new spin and it ended up working pretty good.... but I still had to ask if he and the others were ok with it...

AHAHAHAHAakwardmomentplz... 'cause I had just met him but my friend convinced me to ask him and I did and he said yes and so did Li (thanks to sai) and asked the others and YAY starting doing concepts and writing small notes for it *w* I'm so excited for it, I hope it does come through, and most importantly, I hope the peolpe involved like it :)!!

(Thanks to Sai for the feedback on the concepts I send him and for Zuzu for helping me brainstorm about stuff)

*goes to update other LJ*

Mottocon

2008-06-08T19:19:50Z

I realized I never posted anything about the Mottocon here xD;

Um, well, so the Mottocon was rather small, but I had a real good time in it, except for the horrid waiting in line time.

We waited like... what? 2-3 hours for them to open the doors (This was the first Mottocon, so there was a lot of excitement buzzing around, but the waiting time kinda drowned some of the spirits). There were like 3 lines. One was for regular visitors, another for premium visitors (those who bought the Silver Pass or whatever, I didn't bother to find out the difference between regular and silver pass), and one for cosplayers. There was this promotion that the first 100 cosplayers wouldn't pay (so long as their costume looked like a real cosplay and not just like some random guy with a naruto headband and some similar pants).

Me and my group (The Four sword Links and Shadow) were amongst the first. There were some pretty nifteh cosplays but so few of them! (well, it was friday, and the opening day, so it's understandable I guess, since the cosplay contests were on Saturday and Sunday)

At first I thought Yahiko and Rodrigo (Maid Cafe Oshimai's Manager. If you ever come to Monterrey, PLEASE PLEASE go to Oshimai XD I love that place!) were kidding about the bad organization some of their co-workers were doing and told them that in the end it was gonna play well, but OH GOD BAD ORGANIZATION, they took ages... then again they were also waiting for the local news reporters to come and they took AGES so it's not entirely the Mottocon Team's fault. Damn reporters.

Ah well, in the end, i think, it all played quite nicely, I did enjoy my time there, I made tons of new (cosplaying) friends, joined the Cosplay Unit in Monterrey, bought a few Zelda goodies, and the guests were very enjoyable ^^ I wonder if they'll do a second Mottocon?

I got a lot of pics taken, fweee *w*! Though a lot of people kept telling me Dark Link, and I'm like "I'm SHADOW, not Dark Link ;___;!" my companion, Sorata-kun, WAS Dark Link :c but meh, I was his little mini-me xDD Shadow and Dark xDD And him being taller than me so, ehem, yeah x_x; mini me xD

I also got a lot of pics taken with my lovely four Swords, and generally it was all awesome ^_^ Friday was pretty much just walking aimessly around looking at stuff and getting pics taken. I bought a new Zelda Shirt for my collection (I buy one new Zelda shirt per con xD, it's a tradition), I bought a Twilight Princess Scroll, and also bought the Cosplaymix magazine where PikminLink appears; it has a lot of useful tips for cosplaysuch as wig stylin' and making wings so I think it was a good buy, they also gave me a magazine named Atomix where Link appears birefly, and it has a really shiny chromatic cover *w* but I didn't leaf it xD; And I forgot it in my friend's purse, i'll retrieve it later.

After that we went to the Maid Cafe Oshimai in our cosplay and ate some delicious japanese food *W* I LOOOVE that place. And I really love Ramen... and Takoyaki. TAKOYAKI IS AWESOME.

Saturday was more active. It was the Group Cosplay Contest. I went as Shadow again (My first and only cosplay, currently) and went to see the contest. They were pretty niftty XD My favorite was the Lucky Star number, the Death note group, and the Enchanted number (By the way, their number won, and I can see why, their costumes and performance were TERRIFIC!!!)

I took photos with a few cosplayers, and met up with Sorata-kun again (though this time he was cosplaying Linebeck) and we wandered aimlessly again xD I met some of his friends, whom were awesome and now I'm friends with, and also met the coolest group of crazy cosplayers ever xD Sorata and company were pretty civil and enjoyable but these three crazy nutjobs were practically screaming from the other side of the con HEY SHADOW LINK while I was taking some pictures. I met up with them, met Dahilo (Cosplaying as Ed), Kyuu (cosplaying as Alphonse Elric, and who won the individual performance Sunday! Congrats Kyuu!), and Miki (cosplaying as Ike) we goofed around and danced the CARAMELL DANSEN! It was epic, but Dahilo hasn't sent me the video -w-;;;;;; We took some more photos, exchanged emails, and bade goodbye!

So that day ended, and Sorata and friends and myself and a friend went to McDonalds, and it was kinda epic 'cause I got hyper for some reason and started throwing tiny napkin balls through a straw at Sorata. C: He wanted to throw pickles at me but his aim fails EPICALLY.

I use the word epic a lot.

Mmmm...

And that's all. 8D

NEXT: ANIMEX *W* July 5 and 6! I may cosplay Alice in Wonderland for a Disney Cosplay Dance xP

Now currently I'm working on finding someone to teach me to sew (and a job to get the money) to make my own Twilight Princess Link costume for the Convención de Juegos de Mesa y Comics this upcoming November 'cause I got invited to be part of a mass Smash Borthers group and I've always dreamed to do a TPLink costume *__*! I just hope i don't mess up. The good thing is that I can always fix it later and rework it as I learn new things and such.

Fwee! And I've been working on more Linkart *w*

It's ony my deviantart account http://feri-san.deviantart.com, but I've recently staretd ana ccount on Mangabullet for all my Zelda artwork www.ferilink.mangabullet.com